Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

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Angela
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Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:36 pm

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

Post by Angela »

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
Angela
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Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:36 pm

Post by Angela »

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
Angela
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Post by Angela »

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
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Tuly
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Post by Tuly »

o.k those are really deep and funny :lol:
"Condemn me not because of mine imperfection,... but rather give thanks unto God that he hath made manifest unto you our imperfections, that ye may learn to be more wise than we have been." Mormon 9:31
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Edward
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Location: The Lands of Aman

Post by Edward »

Funny? Yes. Deep? If you a shallow person, then maybe, yeah . . . :confused:
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"
:gandalf2:
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Edward
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Location: The Lands of Aman

Post by Edward »

Not that you're shallow, of course. I hope! :eeek:
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"
:gandalf2:
Angela
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Post by Angela »

"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people."
Angela
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Joined: Sun Jun 04, 2006 4:36 pm

Post by Angela »

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone."
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