Depression

[Betsy]

Hey another topic!

A huge part of the gun control debate is talking about mental health. When you hear the words "mental health" what is your honest reaction? I am very very curious to know this from all of you. Does it make you nervous? Do you roll your eyes? Do you see it as a valid practice in medicine? Micah has in no way sponsored this post I promise.

Do you think you know anyone with depression? Do you need some help understanding the criteria? This is a common diagnosis, but also very commonly misdiagnosed.

How can we better prevent symptoms of depression? Are we interested in knowing the main preventative measures? The most common lifestyle choices that lead to depression? The genetic factors?

We talk about it all the time in this house! Join in the discussion today, for only $19.95!

Other categories that are closely linked to depression: anxiety, sleep disorders, mood disorders, stress management.

[John]

I have known quite a number of people who have received a diagnosis of depression of various kinds and degrees. I do also feel that armchair psychologists are rather hasty to render diagnoses, so I am disinclined to make such assessments myself. I am happy to leave it in the hands of professionals to do so. I am certain that clinical depression is a real thing, but feel that sometimes other psychological or spiritual ills masquerade as depression. Again, I am not qualified to accurately assess.

[Edward]

I have known a lot of people with depression, and as a teacher I have had a lot of cases where I thought it was important to refer students (or parents) to qualified professionals to get them the help they need. People should remember Elder Holland's talk is extremely valuable in treating this topic. Here it is in full:

Like a Broken Vessel Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the 12, October 2013

The Apostle Peter wrote that disciples of Jesus Christ are to have “compassion one of another.” 1 In that spirit I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder, whether those afflictions be slight or severe, of brief duration or persistent over a lifetime. We sense the complexity of such matters when we hear professionals speak of neuroses and psychoses, of genetic predispositions and chromosome defects, of bipolarity, paranoia, and schizophrenia. However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.

In striving for some peace and understanding in these difficult matters, it is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again. Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials, even though the cost to do so would be unfathomable for both the Father who sent Him and the Son who came. It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive.

Let me leave the extraordinary illnesses I have mentioned to concentrate on MDD—“major depressive disorder”—or, more commonly, “depression.” When I speak of this, I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. The Book of Mormon says Ammon and his brethren were depressed at a very difficult time, 2 and so can the rest of us be. But today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking!

No, this dark night of the mind and spirit is more than mere discouragement. I have seen it come to an absolutely angelic man when his beloved spouse of 50 years passed away. I have seen it in new mothers with what is euphemistically labeled “after-baby blues.” I have seen it strike anxious students, military veterans, and grandmothers worried about the well-being of their grown children.

And I have seen it in young fathers trying to provide for their families. In that regard I once terrifyingly saw it in myself. At one point in our married life when financial fears collided with staggering fatigue, I took a psychic blow that was as unanticipated as it was real. With the grace of God and the love of my family, I kept functioning and kept working, but even after all these years I continue to feel a deep sympathy for others more chronically or more deeply afflicted with such gloom than I was. In any case we have all taken courage from those who, in the words of the Prophet Joseph, “search[ed] … and contemplate[d] the darkest abyss” 3 and persevered through it—not the least of whom were Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Elder George Albert Smith, the latter being one of the most gentle and Christlike men of our dispensation, who battled recurring depression for some years before later becoming the universally beloved eighth prophet and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” 4 Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead. 5

In preventing illness whenever possible, watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help. As with your automobile, be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel. When you face “depletion depression,” make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.

If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Be honest with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation.

If you are the one afflicted or a caregiver to such, try not to be overwhelmed with the size of your task. Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient. Dozens of times in the scriptures, the Lord commands someone to “stand still” or “be still”—and wait. 6 Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education.

For caregivers, in your devoted effort to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength. 7 Whatever else you may or may not be able to provide, you can offer your prayers and you can give “love unfeigned.” 8 “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; … [it] beareth all things, … hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.” 9

Also let us remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for. We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions! Stephanie Clark Nielson and her family have been our friends for more than 30 years. On August 16, 2008, Stephanie and her husband, Christian, were in a plane crash and subsequent fire that scarred her so horrifically that only her painted toenails were recognizable when family members came to identify the victims. There was almost no chance Stephanie could live. After three months in a sleep-induced coma, she awoke to see herself. With that, the psyche-scarring and horrendous depression came. Having four children under the age of seven, Stephanie did not want them to see her ever again. She felt it would be better not to live. “I thought it would be easier,” Stephanie once told me in my office, “if they just forgot about me and I quietly slipped out of their life.”

But to her eternal credit, and with the prayers of her husband, family, friends, four beautiful children, and a fifth born to the Nielsons just 18 months ago, Stephanie fought her way back from the abyss of self-destruction to be one of the most popular “mommy bloggers” in the nation, openly declaring to the four million who follow her blog that her “divine purpose” in life is to be a mom and to cherish every day she has been given on this beautiful earth.

Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, 10 we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.

I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! With the Apostle Paul, I testify that that which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power. 11 I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.” 12 Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another,” 13 I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

[Edward]

Note: I do not have $19.95; do you offer a payment plan where I could perhaps make 4 easy payments of $4.99?

[Angela]

where's the "But WAIT! There's more! If you act now...."

[Steve]

My honest reaction to "mental health" is the phrase "maintaining a healthy mind." Just as our physical bodies need attention in order to maintain good health in the joints, muscles, etc., so too do our mental faculties need attention. There are healthy exercises and activities to be engaged in. Much can be done on a regular basis to maintain good mental health—prevention is preferable to treatment. Similar to other health issues, those struggling with mental or emotional health issues are encouraged to prayerfully seek professional help when necessary from those with "good values." We should be concerned with the "whole person" and taking good care of our minds (as well as others' minds) is part of our stewardship.

[John]

Here's a question for the professionals among us: Is sadness always a component of clinical depression?

[Betsy]

But wait, there's more! For today only, join the discussion and get free trial version of the HFF (Huntington family forum) "Nobody understands me" Kit! This box kit includes a CD of me saying "your opinion doesn't have to be the same as everyone else in order to be valid!"

[Steve]

[Tuly]

I agree your opinion does not have to be the same to be valid. Truly thank you Betsy for your topics on the website. I have been reading the manual Strengthening The Family by LDS Family Services. It mentioned "even the refusal to talk sends a message to others, though the message may or may not be accurately understood." Not participating does send a message on the forum. I know we all have opinions, that we would like to know about whether we agree with them or not. Thanks to all of you who do contribute. I have no free kits to distribute.
Now back to the topic. I too have probably over diagnosed or under diagnosed depression. I have been reading more about it to educate myself. I hope that I can be more empathetic with those who do suffer from depression.

[Betsy]

Right. So I was mostly joking, but I also understand that the freedom of speech includes the freedom not to speak. I find that people are most willing to share their thoughts when they are certain they have the freedom to say what they want, in a safe environment.

[John]

Perhaps there's another step beyond the freedom to speak. It may also require the courage to speak. I wonder if the environment is sometimes safer than perceived or admitted to. Is the lack of safety imposed from without or concocted within?

[Steve]

This has come up on a number of occasions in a number of threads. Who are the specific people that feel this forum is unsafe? Those comments are frequently tied to a comment about people not able to share differing opinions. Yet, when regulars on this forum disagree with the presenter, that individual seems to be bothered that others did not embrace their ideas—that not everyone had the same "valid" opinion.

A few observations:

1) If those who infrequently appear only to engage in the most controversial topics were to participate more regularly in the normal conversation of this forum, there wouldn't be this sense of home team vs. visiting team. That would relieve family members of any sense that they are "not welcome" as they wouldn't feel like strangers who had been slapped with poor hospitality, but as actual members of the household who live and interact daily in these halls. Along those same lines, they wouldn't feel like they were always engaged in adversarial debate with others if they would spend more time addressing topics they were comfortable discussing. Each family member is encouraged to visit the entire house, and does not necessarily have to enter and exit through the furnace room!

2) Individuals should not base their perceptions of forum regulars solely on the discomfort they feel engaging them on issues of gun control, socialism, birth control, motherhood, etc. I suspect that many people feel I'm completely "uncompromising" and maybe even disrespectful of others' views regarding these topics after conversing with me in those threads. This is a difficult situation, as much of what I'm trying to do in those threads is to cut through error and deceit and lay out revealed truth to the best of my ability. I rely on the words of general authorities to communicate many of my thoughts with the hope that others will not find too much offense through my own words and way of transmitting them. However, I don't love a person any less, even when I feel their views are groundless. We're all sinners. There have been many times in the history of this forum where I've wanted to withdraw from the discussions. That desire subsided as soon as I realized that the discussions were teaching me, both directly through the content I was exposed to, as well as internally as I prayerfully decided what I was going to do about it all. Many times, that meant humbling myself and acknowledging I was completely wrong. Sometimes, it was standing a little straighter and having greater courage to continue to defend what was right. Often, it's a combination of the two. Withdrawing from a family communication channel (pretty much the only substantial channel we have for the time being) because of insecurity or otherwise is cowardly and prideful. I don't mean that harshly. It's just the truth, and I have been guilty of it.

3) I am sorry that there remain those who will not join us on this forum. Those who do not speak up and participate are missing out. They do not know how lucky they are to have a family that will speak up about issues (while still being able to post movie reviews and wish each other a happy birthday). I so terribly wish I had a sibling like me who cared enough about the world and the eternal realms to engage with me on the topics of greatest import. Right or wrong, it shows interest and regard for topics of substance and reflects the life, vigor, and health of a family. My family does not discuss any of these things. I suspect other in-laws have similar situations. And frankly, most Huntingtons do not seem to want to discuss things at length either. Only a small handful of us engage the scriptures, the words of modern prophets, and the veritable concerns of our day with one another. We're content with pottage or not engaging one another at all...such a shame.

4) We may wish others responded the way we wanted them to respond in a conversation. We wish they would say things in a very certain way that would be pleasing to us. However, surely we understand that we don't get to choose our families in mortality. I don't doubt that some wish their siblings were more XYZ, or that they didn't QRS so much in these threads. Regardless, here's the current state of things. If we wish to make things better, let us both be better, and help teach others the better way. It doesn't do anyone any good, though, to withdraw and avoid your family altogether. It isn't helpful at all to tiptoe around one another and/or to express our grievances about an individual with someone else. Indeed, it is selfish...which is ironic, seeing as how it is the self that is most harmed by the strategy.

I probably have additional thoughts on this, and the shame of it is that these thoughts will likely never reach the very individuals who I wish would hear them, and they, in turn, will not respond to me and help me along my way. Thus, the very purposes of "family" are thwarted—I wish it were not so.

Lest this post be judged too ambiguous, or be accused of the very tip-toeing I am condemning, I am most disappointed with the lack of participation by the following individuals in no particular order whatsoever:

• Lily - Make no mistake, she is a frequent visitor of this site and is usually up to date with what's being discussed. She is so insightful and intelligent. We have wonderful conversations in our home! I just wish others got to see more of it—I've told her this before, I just mention it here because it's what I wish.
• Emma - last registered activity: May 2014
• Bryn - visits, but doesn't say much
• Ann - visits, but doesn't say much
• Margaret - last registered activity: January 2015
• James (though we've had a window where he joined in for a short time)
• Micah - last registered activity: April 2015
• Mom & Dad - I notice that they will sometimes avoid a topic (or leave it abruptly), particularly in cases where there are strong disagreements between siblings.

These are just my own (read Steve's) opinions. It's simply what I wish would happen, though, as mentioned, family is what it is and some of you simply don't want to participate. I just hope you'll reconsider. Whether or not you do, of course, is up to you. I just think there is much to be gained when family members take the time to engage one another, to choose a deliberate position on issues of importance (and to share those positions), to teach and learn from one another—to love one another! Otherwise, again, I can't help but feel that those familial ties are in vain, if indeed they are retained at all.

[Tuly]

This is depressing but true. I will commit to try to not avoid a topic or leave in a disruptive manner.

[Betsy]

most Huntingtons do not seem to want to discuss things at length either

Things are not always as they seem

Also, I don't usually get people to talk to me by saying how disappointed I am in them. Haha! Sorry that just made me laugh. Maybe the reason some families don't talk to each other is because they put WAYYYYYY too many expectations on each other, and too much weight on the conversation. That is just plain stressful.

Also, maybe we are all genetically predisposed with a good amount of resilience and confidence in ourselves. This is helpful in communicating because it allows you to be offended a lot less. To others without confidence, this is seen as arrogance and pride.

On your "list of grievances" I sure am glad I came out the winner!!!! (Sorry, you get my participation, you get my sarcasm. )

I was going to say that this all sort of strays from the topic, but maybe not, because it's depressing to you. It's not to me. People do stuff. If they don't post on the forum, it really does no harm. Really. I've have long periods where I didn't participate, and I don't regret it. It's not my job to shame a person into communicating with me, especially a family member. We owe it to each other to give ourselves a break once in awhile.

I'm certain your intent, Steve, is not to shame people. You just really really want us to communicate! This is great. Sometimes we just gotta try the good ole reverse psychology! If it doesn't work, come back to me, we'll think of another way.