Self-righteousness

[Steve]

Serving, perhaps, as a sister thread to Pride, this thread is an attempt to define and better understand the nature of self-righteousness. The Oxford English Dictionary defines self-righteousness as righteousness in one's own esteem, or righteousness for which one gives oneself credit.

I note that it has been mentioned as recently as April 2014 General Conference:

The Savior taught us to love not only our friends but also those who disagree with us—and even those who repudiate us. He said: “For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? … And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others?”

The Prophet Joseph Smith warned us to “beware of self-righteousness” and to enlarge our hearts toward all men and women until we feel “to take them upon our shoulders.” In the gospel of Jesus Christ, there is no place for ridicule, bullying, or bigotry.

(Elder Neil L. Andersen, Spiritual Whirlwinds, April 2014 GC) ↗

How do we avoid self-righteousness? How do we identify it in ourselves? Do you know of any good talks about this, or can you recall a really good lesson that helped you understand this a little better? What thoughts do you have on the subject of self-righteousness?

[Tuly]

Thank you Steve for starting this thread, I know that you among others in the family have been labeled as being self- righteous for posting quotes from prophets and general authorities, as opposed to being righteous . I found this talk by President Howard Hunter - The Pharisee and the Publican - General Conference April 1984 - https://www.lds.org/general-conference/ ... n?lang=eng
I might not be always like the Publican and exalt myself to the world, but when I feel I am "experienced" in some subjects I do exalt myself , I need to be more like the Publican.

The parable from which I read the first verse was directed to more than just his disciples. Even though the subject matter was a Pharisee and a publican, it was not intended for Pharisees or publicans expressly, but for the benefit of the self-righteous who lack the virtues of humility and who use self-righteousness as a claim to exaltation. In this parable the Savior spoke few words, yet the lesson taught is clear. This is the whole story he told, as recorded by Luke:

“Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.

“The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

“I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.

“And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

“I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every man that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.” (Luke 18:10–14.)

Apparently the scene is laid in Jerusalem at the temple, where two men had gone to pray during the time of day for private prayers. It is interesting that the Master selected a Pharisee and a publican as the actors in the story, representing the two religious extremes in Jewish society.

After the two men entered the temple, the Pharisee stood by himself, apart from the tax collector, and thanked God that he was “not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers” who fail to live the commandments of the law, “or even as this publican,” he said. (Luke 18:11.) Though he was in form thanking God, his self-centered thoughts were on his own self-righteousness. In justification he added: “I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.” (Luke 18:12.) His prayer was not one of thankfulness, but of boastfulness. The boastful spirit and pride of this Pharisee is not unlike that of Rabbi Simeon ben Jochai, mentioned in the Talmud, who said: “If there were only thirty righteous persons in the world, I and my son should make two of them; but if there were but twenty, I and my son would be of the number; and if there but ten, I and my son would be of the number; and if there were but five, I and my son would be of the five; and if there were but two, I and my son would be those two; and if there were but one, myself should be that one.” (Bereshith Rabba, s. 35, vol. 34.)

The tax collector standing afar off, feeling the weight of his iniquities pressing down upon him, and being conscious of his sins and unworthiness to stand before God, cast his eyes to the ground and “would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven” when he prayed. (Luke 18:13.) In deep distress he beat upon his breast and pleaded, “God be merciful to me a sinner.” (Luke 18:13.)

Continuing the story, Jesus then said: “I tell you, this man,” referring to the publican, the despised tax collector, “went down to his house justified, rather than the other.” (Luke 18:14.) In other words, the Lord said he was absolved, forgiven, or vindicated.

This statement gives meaning to what the Savior said on another occasion: “Except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 5:20.)

The Master then concluded the parable with these words: “For every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.” (Luke 18:14.) These are almost the same words spoken by him in the house of one of the chief Pharisees. (See Luke 14:11.)

Humility is an attribute of godliness possessed by true Saints. It is easy to understand why a proud man fails. He is content to rely upon himself only. This is evident in those who seek social position or who push others aside to gain position in fields of business, government, education, sports, or other endeavors. Our genuine concern should be for the success of others. The proud man shuts himself off from God, and when he does he no longer lives in the light.

[Ian]

one might be labeled "self-righteous" for posting quotes from general authorities? interesting. here's a quote from a general authority:

It was a cold, blustery Sunday afternoon. I was away from home serving in the South African army, and the 10 men of our section had gathered in our tent to visit and relax after having just completed some chores. Unfortunately, much of the conversation became crude, as often happens among young men in such circumstances.

I was uncomfortable and thought about leaving. My eyes turned toward the tent door, which was flapping wildly in the wind and failing to hold back the chill of winter. The sight immediately convinced me it would be foolish to leave, so I decided to remain inside and read my scriptures. Although it had not been uncommon for me to read from them in the presence of these men, on this day it would prove to be difficult. The discussion soon took a turn for the worse as my friend, something of a ringleader in the group, began telling some dirty stories.

My immediate impulse was to object out loud. However, I was checked by the thought that others might consider me self-righteous and accuse me of trying to spoil their fun. After a few troubling moments, I decided to do the only thing I thought possible under the circumstances: shut my ears and concentrate on my reading. This approach worked somewhat. Yet I could not shrug off a feeling of uneasiness.

Time has a way of clouding our memories, and within a few weeks I forgot about the experience. Then, two years later, my friend did something that brought the memory of that day back into focus. We were in the presence of a number of soldiers who were drinking beer. In the group was a man I didn’t know. He began teasing me for not joining them in drinking a little alcohol. My friend rose to my defense and added with an earnestness that surprised me, “Chris Golden is the only true Christian in our group.” Others who knew me joined my friend in defending me, which silenced my critic.

Later, as my friend and I walked back toward our foxhole on a gray, half-moonlit night, he suddenly stopped and looked at me with a seriousness I had not been accustomed to during our friendship. He recalled the event of earlier that evening and said, “I meant what I said. In fact, I have never met an individual who has been more true to his faith in God than you, Chris!”

This was unexpected. Even though I had always tried to live the gospel, I felt I had not done more than many Latter-day Saints would have done in similar circumstances, and I had always tried to do it without drawing attention to myself.

Still, he had more to say: “You have let me down only once.” My shock at his matter-of-fact accusation was matched only by the speed with which my mind raced through all of the events we had shared together. I finally remembered that blustery, cold Sunday two years earlier. My friend’s words exposed painful memories of a day I would rather have forgotten.

He continued, “Do you remember that cold Sunday afternoon when we were sitting inside our tent and telling stories, some of which I now feel quite embarrassed about?”

I nodded a little numbly in acknowledgment. Standing opposite him, I hoped that the shadows of the night hid my discomfort.

He said, “While I was talking, I had been silently praying that you would ask me to stop telling those dirty stories—but you did nothing.”

During the long silence that followed his stinging condemnation, a deep sense of disappointment welled up within me. I had let not only him down, but I had failed the Lord—and myself.

Ever since that day, I have tried not to make the same mistake. I was taught an important lesson about the true meaning of the Lord’s command to “let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matt. 5:16). Observing that “no man can serve two masters” (Matt. 6:24), the Savior counseled us, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness” (Matt. 6:33).

Elder Christoffel Golden Jr., You’ll Be Tested and Taught, February 2005 New Era

[Betsy]

One is not self-righteous for posting quotes on a website. One is self-righteous for putting down and shutting out another's testimony, for judging one for being on the road to apostasy, for giving out constant formal "warnings", for declaring others to be unhappy for not living the same way as they do, for taking quotes out of context to serve a one-dimensional purpose, for making stubborn claims of their "knowledge" on matters that are highly debatable, for not owning up to their own judgments, for telling people that they are "wasting their time" for doing anything different from what you would do, by declaring repentance with a complete lack of humility (seemingly spared by a weak blanket "I make mistakes" comment), for confusing opinion with fact, just to name a few.


https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos ... n?lang=eng

[Ian]

you seem skilled at detecting self-righteousness. in your expert opinion, would it be self-righteous to accuse others of self-righteousness?

[Betsy]

What it actually is, is that I have come across a lot of self-righteous statements. By sarcastically calling me an expert, you attempt to make me look self righteous. It does not take an expert to know that this not an effective communication technique.

[Ian]

i'll take that as a no.

[Steve]

Mom: I know that you among others in the family have been labeled as being self- righteous...

Yes, I am sometimes accused of being self-righteous and "preachy." That makes me a little sad because it suggests that the accuser has been hurt, and that they feel I'm trying to hurt them for the sake of self-aggrandizement. In addition to helping us understand the nature of self-righteousness, I thought this thread might be a useful way of determining what others believe "self-righteousness" consists of, with the expectation that their interpretation of the word will likely extend beyond the literal definition. This will help us get to the heart of the actual grievance that may be hiding behind their use of the word. Judging by Betsy's response, I think we're well on our way.

Thank you for the insights regarding the pharisee and the publican.

Ian: (quoting Elder Christoffel Golden Jr.) "...I was checked by the thought that others might consider me self-righteous..."

With cries of intolerance, bigotry, being judgmental, etc., I do believe the world is attempting to silence others, or to encourage people to look away from truth and to feel ashamed for declaring it. Seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness is a fitting conclusion to that quote. Thanks for sharing that.

Betsy: One is not self-righteous for posting quotes on a website. ...

I'm glad you articulated all of that, Betsy. I suspected that there was much more to your issue than was initially said. As this is a discussion and analysis of self-righteousness, and you believe that I exhibit a weighty list of characteristics you directly attribute to self-righteousness, it may be useful to examine the accusations individually and determine their relationship to this topic.

1. Steve putting down Betsy's testimony
2. Steve shutting out Betsy's testimony
3. Steve judging that Betsy is on the road to apostasy
4. Steve issuing constant formal "warnings" to Betsy
5. Steve declaring Betsy to be unhappy for not living the same way Steve does
6. Steve taking Betsy's quotes out of context to serve a one-dimensional purpose
7. Steve making stubborn claims of his "knowledge" on matters that are highly debatable
8. Steve not owning up to his judgments
9. Steve telling Betsy that she is wasting her time for doing anything different from what Steve would do
10. Steve declaring repentance with a complete lack of humility
11. Steve trying to spare himself of something by making weak "I make mistakes" comments
12. Steve confusing opinion with fact

Betsy finishes by saying that she has only named "a few." Betsy, I would encourage you to also include those additional items you're omitting that you believe contribute to my self-righteousness. It'd be nice to have all of it on the table, particularly since you admitted to only presenting a minor portion of the charges against me.

While you assemble those, could you take a moment and provide us with the statements in question? I know it may take time to gather (especially considering the fact that the 12 items above are only a small subset of the total), but it would be really beneficial to be able to address the specific issues, clarify when needed, determine context, and define the association to self-righteousness. I do not deny all of these—in fact, I readily agree with a couple—but I'm not sure I can recall the instances when most of these were manifest so that we may examine them.

In all of this, I can honestly share my own belief that I am not being self-righteous. I do not esteem myself particularly righteous in my own mind, nor do I give myself much credit in that regard. If anything, I fear I am a bit hard on myself. But I am trying and I want to be righteous. I want to do what the Lord has commanded. I want to know His word. Though you think otherwise, I read as much content as I can for my own sake with the hope that the things I learn and the improvements I seek will bless my immediate family as well. When I don't have a good working knowledge on a particular topic, I research, and then I preserve my research in my own repositories and share some of it on the family forum as applicable.

But let's get down to business and talk through self-righteousness. When you're able, present your evidence against me and we'll talk through the issues. I do not mind being targeted for the discussion. Hopefully, we are all enlightened by the things we discover.

[Betsy]

I'm afraid I do not have time to do that, Steve.

[Ian]

a wise person once said: "Listening requires relinquishing of time, energy, and personal interest, in favor of the interests of another."

[Steve]

The great thing about an asynchronous communication channel is that we're not dealing with these things in real-time. You could take the necessary time as you're available.

I will say that it's probably inappropriate to unload such a list against a member of your family and then to withdraw without providing evidence to support your accusations (Lily would probably refer to that as "libel"). If you have the time to criticize someone, you should probably ensure you have enough time to discuss the criticism.

[Betsy]

Okay, Ian and Steve, do you want me to spend all my time on the forum? How much time would you require so that you feel more validated? This does not just apply to me. What is your minimum for every family member?

Steve, you can do what you will with what I said. You can deny it, or you can accept it. You have chosen the denial route. That is your choice.

[Steve]

Betsy: Steve, you can do what you will with what I said. You can deny it, or you can accept it. You have chosen the denial route. That is your choice.

Steve, just three posts above this one: I do not deny all of these—in fact, I readily agree with a couple—but I'm not sure I can recall the instances when most of these were manifest so that we may examine them.

It would hurt if it weren't a little funny that you're declaring the merits of active listening in a simultaneous thread.

[Betsy]

In all of this, I can honestly share my own belief that I am not being self-righteous.

[Betsy]

If you are so ready to agree with "a couple" things I mentioned, why don't you take the time to look for the quotes that exemplify what I am talking about?