I struggle with the rationale behind your decision. The forum is as much yours as it is mine or anyone else's. It is a family forum. So in essence, you are part of what you perceive the forum to be. The forum is for the Huntington family. And, to be honest, this forum is just a digital representation of our relationship with each other. For better or worse (I say for better), we can't remove ourselves from our families.
The problem may lie in your association of the family forum with specific controversial debates where family members have gathered and challenged one another on some of our practices and beliefs. I've made the same mistake in the past. Going back through previous discussions, you can find instances where I shared my own frustration with the tone of responses. There have even been cases where I "called it quits" (it's like I'm sending you on a scavenger hunt). The reality of it all, though, is that the forum and its tone is as much my responsibility as it is the responsibility of the "offending person" in a conversation. I can continue to be civil according to my definition of civility. I can help contribute to the atmosphere I feel is needed. But I can't do that if I remove myself entirely from the place where conversations take place. It's really no different than a Sunday church meeting: if a debate erupts in the middle of Sunday School, and I don't approve of the position and tone of a fellow member, I have a number of options. But believe me, my first choice would not be to immediately declare to the entire ward body: "I'm leaving the church. I did not like this particular conversation, and despite whatever good may remain here, not to mention the covenants I made, I am abandoning it all until everyone behaves the way I'd like them to behave." These were the thoughts I had in those moments following disagreement, and so I took a moment to breathe, look at the big picture with the proper perspective, and jump back in.
Regardless of what you two ultimately decide, I'll try to find ways to communicate with you and check in on you. It makes it easier to find you in a central location, but I'm anxious to get to know you better wherever that may be. I know that Lily and I enjoyed our visit with you when you stopped in not too long ago. Despite our disagreements on a few issues, I am not anxious to detach myself from the family and you guys are family, plain and simple.
One final thought, maybe related, or maybe not:
There is a common misconception regarding respect for one another. I have seen the phrase "You don't respect my opinions" or something to that effect show up in the threads from time to time. I want to be clear that I believe respecting one another is very different than respecting everyone's opinion. If I'm of the belief that someone else's opinion is flawed, wholly false, or even downright evil, I need not respect it. Replace the word "respect" with "love" and it's the same thing—I need not love everything someone says. James, I am not suggesting that this is what you said just now, but I've noticed a pattern in remarks and I say this for all. The reason I bring it up now, I think, is in response to comments like:
What are the metrics used to determine that your efforts have been in vain? Are you disappointed that others don't agree with you? I think I understand you better than I did before, but perhaps the results of that understanding are not what you would have hoped for. A productive conversation does not always assume that the two parties come to some sort of agreement. The discussion itself is an exercise where we learn from one another and discuss things that matter to us. But just because they matter to me doesn't make them right. And it certainly doesn't mean they need to matter to everyone."My efforts have been in vain. People do not understand us much better and the fire has only grown."
Finally, you said:
I think all of us can be more kind, more loving, more respectful, more edifying, and more productive. There's no argument there. It'd be great to hold all conversations surrounded by perfect people. Our challenge in this life, especially among family, is to look past ourselves and stop trying to nail down what's in it for me (ie, this forum isn't meeting my needs so I'm leaving, or this ward isn't respectful enough so I'm outta here). Such a position is characterized by pride and selfishness—I challenge the universe to prove to me that it's not. When we relinquish that mindset and start to ask, "What can I do to make the forum a warmer place? What changes can I make to influence my family members for good?", we will be much happier.Until I feel that this website is a safe place where there is respect (not just ostensibly), fairness, productivity, edification, teaching and learning not one-sided but rather two ways, I do not see a reason to keep posting.
