My wish for Christmas

[Betsy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_QOorLnDLo&sns=em
Please click the link above, turn up your speakers, and listen as you read.

I am just going to state here what I was just expressing to Micah. My Christmas wish is to buy all of you a lavish gift, something you would treasure, to partake in the joy of giving. when I think about it, I think, maybe someday I can do this.

Presently, however, like many of you, I cannot spend all the money I have on Christmas presents. In the past I know some of us have favored the idea of a secret Santa, and some of us have been opposed. My wish is to see if we cannot try it but once, to see if it is truly as horrible of an idea as some say it is. Here are some reasons why I think it can work:

1. Less stress
2. Your "secret Santa" would not be the only person you have to buy a present for. For example, if your person was Emma, but you saw a sweater you really think margaret would like. You could get this sweater, without feeling bad that you didn't have time/resources to get something for all 20 other people ( yes I counted. 22 people total. Nieces and nephews included. Not including new baby boy to Ian and Angela, based on him not being born yet)
3. Less stress
4. You can still get presents for everyone! As long as your "person" gets a little something.

I know you might not like this idea. I know this is not our family's "culture". I know you are not used to this. But I celebrate the fact that we are a ginormous family with nieces and nephews coming out of our ears. This is a joyful thing.

We might even find, that this would actually not change much at all. It would mean we'd all get meaningful, thoughtful gifts. And we'd have more time to enjoy the spirit of the season. What can I say more? One year. Just to try it. This is my Christmas wish.

[Angela]

worry not about the unborn.

My feelings on "secret santa" remain the same as the last time this was brought up. I'm still not a fan of the idea. If someone feels pressured or stressed to get something for someone else than the joy of giving is not there. I can only speak for myself on this but I have never and will never harbor any resentment or disappointment if I or my kids don't receive something from everyone. I only look forward to seeing everyone and being able to have lots of fun and entertaining conversations. The only expectations that happen in our home is that Santa will be able to magically squeeze himself down the chimney and leave a some presents for the kids. Oh and also that there will be some old school mario kart and mario tennis competition.

My Christmas wish if for everyone to be here for Christmas day.

[Tuly]

Let me get me back to your thoughts Betsy when I return to CA. But I am adopting the thought -
"I personally want your presence not your presents."

[Betsy]

Angela, I totally see where you are coming from. I too do not care in the slightest if nobody gets me anything. I also feel stressed when I feel pressured to get someone a gift. Or to have rules pronounced upon me with gift giving, etc.

The beauty of this game (I'm going to call it that from now on), however, is that the "rules" are, well, not rules. Meaning, you are not forced to buy only one present for one person. You can buy as many as you want. Right now I already have a few random things for some people that I bought on a whim. If we simply just drew names from a hat, it would be a fun way to put priority on just ONE gift. Would you still feel stressed about just one persons gift? You might, but would you be willing to give it a try?

My philosophy is "don't knock it till you've tried it". I might end up hating it too! But I can't honestly say what's better unless I've tried it.

And, at least we'll be there on Christmas day, so wish granted, somewhat.

[Edward]

Hmm. I dunno. For me it would be really hard as things are so tight financially that even one gift for somebody would be hard, and I would want to give something nice. I would feel bad. Still, if others support it, I would possibly explore the idea of trying it.

[Ian]

happiness comes from relationships with other people, not from things. the act of giving means more than the gift itself. if someone takes the time to find or create a gift for me, i am grateful. the monetary value of the gift does not matter. if, hypothetically, we all spent a million dollars on gifts for each other, i would not enjoy it any more than if we spent fifty cents. i already have everything i need. the secret santa idea is terribly unamerican. each of us is endowed with the God-given right to give gifts of whatever to whomever we choose. if, as you say, we would not be "forced" to give a gift to only one person, then why adopt this scheme at all? you, the american citizen, are free to put all our names in a hat, shake it up, pick a name, and spend as much time and money as you like to buy an expensive, wonderful gift for that special person. you need not legislate gift-giving rules for the rest of us. if it is my name that you pick, i would like a bag of toffee peanuts, or if you can't afford it, a pencil sketch of a bag of peanuts, please. thanks!

[Angela]

I would like to clarify, Betsy, I have never felt stressed or pressured to get anyone a gift, ever.

In my parents home it's all about making sure that you give something to everyone, and everyone ends up with a pile of stuff that mostly doesn't have any thoughtfulness behind it. It's been such a relief to me to essentially not care about their "rules" and focus, instead, on the thought behind the gift. And doing that has changed everything. Gift giving is so much more meaningful to me when I'm spending time thinking about each person as an individual rather than ticking them off of a list.

I agree with Ian's comment that the idea of "secret santa" is unamerican, no one should be told who to give a gift to. I don't think it's fun to prioritize one person, I want to and will prioritize every single person that I choose not when the magic hat/bag tells me. And if you want to play your "game" than no one should stop you or complain about the outcome. But I find it difficult to be willing to go along with such a scheme.

On a side note, let me really drill in the fact that I am against the "secret santa" game, not you Betsy. I just want to make sure you don't take what I've said personally.

[Betsy]

Really? It's about the money now? Who said any gift ever ever had to cost money?

Edward, your concern falls upon understanding ears. I approached this whole idea hoping that the money thing would be a non- issue. Shouldn't it go without saying that a gift can be as simple as a poem? As inexpensive as a box of pencils?

I guess the way I thought about it was, if we would not be "forced" to give a gift to only one person, then why NOT adopt this "scheme" ? It would not really change anything.

I'm not going to argue about the philosophy behind gift giving. I think you know that I understand that happiness comes from relationships. If you think I am being materialistic, that is okay. You are free to think what you want about me. It's your right as an American citizen. But I do not find this gift giving game to be unamerican at all, since it is a simple game that frees me from guilt over not being able to buy presents for everyone in this small-company-sized family. I guess forcing you to play a game of Charades would be unamerican too?

By the way, I'm not going to be upset if this whole thing doesn't work out. I was sincere in my desire to do this, but like any game, there are always those who are not quite up to it. I am understanding of this also, because I am the worst when it comes to learning rules to a game I've never played. Also, if I get you a gift I don't want you to feel like I labored over it. Micah and I truly enjoy the act of giving.

As expected, the most staunch and outspoken have had thier say!

[Lily]

I'm worried that, in our family, a game such as this would create expectations where there are none. I think that in other families where expectations exist, such a structure might help curb them. But here, I guess I just see this as...well...unnecessary and even frivolous. So far everyone (including us Motts) is saying that we aren't disappointed if we don't receive gifts from others. I'm guessing we all wish we could do or give more than we will be doing or giving, but it should not be a source of stress because, again, there are no imposing expectations. I am confident that everyone will feel love on Christmas morning.

Peace and love. Peace and love.

[Betsy]

Maybe you don't expect a gift from me. This is good.

But would you expect a gift from a spouse? Do children expect presents from Santa after learning who he is and what he does? How has society influenced our expectations on the 25th of December? Discuss.

[Ian]

guilt is a choice. if, hypothetically, someone expects a gift from me, and i choose not to give a gift to that person, and i believe that i am reasonably justified in that decision, then i can avoid guilt. i don't have to feel guilty, regardless of societal norms or the expectations of others. also, every game has rules, otherwise it's not a game. do we really want to impose rules like this to gift giving? and, yes, it would be unamerican to force me to play charades, but i will be happy to play that with you.

[Steve]

What about a Christmas lottery? We could pick one name out of the hat and everyone would only buy presents for that one person. And then each year, our names move up one row as new family members are born. Merry Christmas, Carlo Pietro Giovanni Guglielmo Tebaldo Ponzi.

[Betsy]

Has anyone ever played this game at school, work? In-laws? Any positive/negative experiences?

[Steve]

Joking aside, let me share a few thoughts as someone who has participated in a family "Secret Santa" program for the last couple of decades. In short, it's been fine. Everyone agreed to it from the start (making it slightly more American), it caused us to think hard about pleasing someone we might not have thought about to be honest, and we've made some nice Christmas memories on occasion. It's carried on as a tradition.

That said, let me also state that I think this is a classic example of Good, Better, Best. It's good to have opportunities to think of others, especially when it encouraged us to think about giving to those who weren't as natural a choice for us. It's good to have family traditions. However, from my experience I've learned that it's best to keep the holiday season solidly entrenched in celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Therefore, I believe it's better to find other ways to encourage one another to be considerate of all than Christmas coercion. I need to find better ways of remembering each individual family member. I need to be at complete liberty to buy a gift for someone or not buy anything at all, to write a poem or song or draw a picture, or to save my paper for my own use. I need the freedom to give to everybody or nobody. And I expect the same privileges for those around me. I certainly side with those whose satisfaction on Christmas day would be best augmented by the proximity of my loved ones, by long strains of laughter, and perhaps a few sips of cocoa.

It is a credit to Betsy and Micah that they are so eager to give. I have been a grateful recipient of their kindness and generosity on a number of occasions and it's always a delight for me to see the degree of thoughtfulness evident in their offerings. This "game" certainly seems intended to accomplish good things and I appreciate Betsy's desires to develop something that promotes inclusion while diminishing perceived gifting inadequacies. I would hope, for my part, that nobody feels a need to buy me anything this holiday season. Just give me a hug or a hearty handshake when you see me and I'll know. Or maybe do some act of kindness for someone in need. Or get Edward another book on animals nobody loves.

[Edward]

I love them .....